Posted by Kelli Joan Bennett
Day 40. After all the dramatic breakthroughs and build up, I “finish” scene 10 with a whimper not a bang. I’m calling it “done” but it’s really only “done for now.” Maybe that’s why I have developed a twitch in my right eye and it feels like such an anticlimactic finish. The truth is I simply must move on. So, I’m pawning almost an hour’s worth of a string out onto Dan the Amazing Editor Man to turn into a watchable five to ten minute scene. Good riddance and good luck I think as I put the final touches on the SCENES FOR EDITOR bin with group and tape numbers and a very vague script attached in Word. But I’m only fooling myself. This is just a temporary break. Like the Terminator, scene 10 will be back. I wonder if this experience somehow ties into that “it’s all about the journey not the destination” saying? Hmmm. Maybe. I am doing my best to enjoy and be present in the middle of all the work (the journey) but I’m not going to lie, a completed documentary film (the destination) seems pretty much like Paris or St. Barth’s to me right now. I can’t wait to arrive!
I guess the real question is, are we ever really “done” with anything or anyone? I’m pretty positive I’m done with running—my knees are 100% sure. I’m certain I’m done with shoulder pads and big hair. And without a doubt, I’m done with my ex. Or am I? I can’t tell you how many times in my life I have thought I was done with something or someone only to find out months or years later that I was wrong, I wasn’t really done—it or they are back in my life in some way, shape or form and it’s awesome. I attempted to train for another marathon last summer. Seven miles into the effort patellar tendonitis dramatically signaled that my running days are done for good. But who knows? Maybe they’ll improve knee replacement surgery after all the recalls and I’ll take up running again in my 70s? I have managed to avoid the resurgence of styles from the 80s but who knows, I could succumb to fashion…please, I beg you, don’t let me! Once in that decade is enough. I haven’t talked to my ex in years and am not even sure where he lives these days or if he lives but, fate could reconnect us in some way for some reason. Who knows? Not me. My grandma may be dead but I don’t consider us done…she visits frequently in my dreams.
Which makes me circle back to good old, torturous scene 10. Perhaps when scene 10 makes its way back to my Avid screen in a new and improved, post-Dan the Amazing Editor Man state I’ll welcome it with open arms. We’ll have a completely fresh and revitalized relationship. We’ll be in the zone, the sweet spot of expansion and support. Or not. Maybe I’ll be bitter at how it treated me, how much pain it caused me and how it just wouldn’t let me go in the end. I don’t know. Only time will tell. But for now, minus any fanfare or fireworks and without further ado, it’s simply time to move on to the next scene so I can get it done…but I know, “done” isn’t always done.
Until tomorrow, create from what you have…and just know “done” isn’t always done.