Day 47: My choice, pace and finish line.

Day 47.  After putting in a solid 12-hour day editing I not only finished scene 10 (or so I think…we’ll see what happens when I wake up in the morning) but I also I finished scene 16!  I shut down the Avid and think, “I deserve a medal.”  There’s a tone to this thought, an edge.  It’s a cross between put out and pissed…like someone owes me.  I quickly catch myself.  Uh oh.  Yuck.  That’s exactly the attitude and outlook I don’t want to have…ever.  Besides the fact that that’s just bullshit because this work is my choice, who am I kidding?  I am nowhere near the finish line.  So no, actually, I don’t deserve a medal.  I need to get over myself.

Crossing the finish line

I ran a marathon once.  Not very fast and I took tons of walk breaks but still, I ran a marathon.  I trained religiously everyday for six months.  A week before the actual marathon on an easy 10-mile training run the heel bone on my left foot got disjointed and I had to have a podiatrist pop it back in.  It was still wrapped when I arrived in Honolulu and during the race.  I started crying when I saw the finish line, which caused me to hyperventilate.  I was hobbling at that point despite having downed close to 800 milligrams of ibuprofen over the last 10 miles to keep my knees going.  Crossing that finish line was a feeling like no other.  It was incredible.  I even got a finishers medal.  And although a Kenyan won the race that day, I deserved my medal.

These memories drive home the reality that this documentary project is a marathon not a sprint and not only is it my choice to run this race but there’s also still 30 more scenes to go!  I have to pace myself.  I remember how exciting it was building my mileage during my training program.  Wow, I just did 6 miles, 7, miles, 8 miles, 10 miles, 12 miles, 14 miles, 16 miles, 20 miles.  I marveled at every mileage milestone I reached and then kept moving forward to reach the next one. Of course.  That’s the ticket. Underneath my frazzled nerves and exhaustion I can actually feel how excited I am about what I accomplished today.  No, I didn’t finish the documentary and the finish line is nowhere in sight but wow, I did scene 10 and scene 16!  Tomorrow, I get to run scene 13.  And in this moment, I honestly can’t wait.

Until tomorrow, create from what you have…and remember, it’s a marathon not a sprint.

Kelli Joan Bennett is a filmmaker, actress, writer, entrepreneur, advocate for creative thinking and Founder and Editor-in-Chief of Think Outside The Box Inside The Box Media.

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