Day 79: Hungry

Day 79.  On a plane to Los Angeles.  No Wi-Fi.  I doze off.  I wake up and immediately munch on the Doritos I bought right before I ate a Big Mac, fries and a chocolate shake at terminal B in Chicago’s Midway airport.  I can’t remember the last time I ate at McDonalds.  I’m not proud of this return to teenage traditions.  I am only continuing the poor eating habits I began six days ago.  I’m not going to sugar coat it.  I did not eat well or light while on this shoot.  My plan was simply to “not be high maintenance”—if there were only gluten or sugar containing products to eat then I’d eat them.  This is a micro budget film.  I eat what they offer.  No biggie.  Well, somehow that turned into a feeding frenzy of daily fried food with a never-ending flow of ranch dressing on the side.  WTF?  The micro budget and the “Midwest” are not to blame.  I am.  There were plenty of gluten free, sugar free options including a craft service full of fruit and a salad bar at the main restaurant in the small town we ate at several times but not one apple or leaf of lettuce ever made it into my mouth—unless you count what was on my multiple dinner burgers but I usually left it and the tomato off in favor of making room for the bacon and cheddar cheese.  My unhealthy choices make me wonder why I do that.  I’m like a toddler in a room full of breakables.  Give me an inch and I’ll take a mile.

I did get high school thin and back in my skinny jeans last November following an oral surgery where I couldn’t eat solid food for about 10 days.  I could barely get anything liquid down either because the stitches in my mouth constantly caused a gag reflex.  For the next 10 or so days, I still couldn’t eat much because I had to be gentle on the bone graft they did—couldn’t put a lot of pressure on the right side of my mouth.  It really freaked me out because I wanted to eat.  In fact, I felt starved most of the time—actually, I’m sure I was literally starving.  I don’t recommend this route to lose that last 10 pounds.  It sucks.  Ever since then, I’ve had this weird energy around food, like I have to eat it whenever I can and a lot of it—like the experience somehow triggered some primal starvation response in me that I can’t shut off now.  Great.  I’m not sure if this has anything to do with my recent fried food frenzy but I’ve got another oral surgery tomorrow.  I’m not looking forward to it or the hunger.  The good news is I’ve put on enough weight to last me through several winters.  I can still get on my skinny jeans although it now requires some grease and a pair of pliers to do so.

As I have now moved on from the Doritos to a jumbo Payday, I wonder who the “outside the box inside the box” thinker was that came up with the king size candy bar.  If I make it through the entire thing, there’s a three pack of Reece’s Peanut Butter Cups waiting for me.  Perhaps hunger will be a nice respite from the fried junk food madness?  I’ll keep you posted.

Until tomorrow, create from what you have…junk food and hunger.

Kelli Joan Bennett is a filmmaker, actress, writer, entrepreneur, advocate for creative thinking and Founder and Editor-in-Chief of Think Outside The Box Inside The Box Media.

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