Day 115: Temptation Strikes

Posted by on Apr 24, 2012

Day 115:  Temptation Strikes

Day 115.  A friend FB messages me that she’s written a book and to please support her by buying it.  Without hesitation I let her know I will and I’m happy to do it.  She lets me know it’s available through—cue the dramatic horror sound effectAmazon.  To catch up any new readers and remind any regular readers who have been lulled into a coma by my riveting daily “I just took a shit” reports, on Day 11 I let it be known I’ve been banned from Amazon for my addiction to ordering a ridiculous amount of books from there and spending an ass load of money.  I finally got a library card to show my commitment to my Amazon and book buying sobriety.  I have yet to use my new library card though because the day I signed up for my card, February 21st, they didn’t have anything I was looking for—the movie Blood Simple or the biography on Steve Jobs—and every other time I’ve stopped by to go in since then, the place hasn’t been open.  I mean, it’s not open on Sunday?  That’s like the prime studying/library going day, isn’t it?

Time to use it!

I check to see if my friend’s book is available anywhere else.  Nope.  Amazon Book or Amazon Kindle, her website reads.  Crap.  I struggle with what to do.  “I think she’s self-publishing so it’s not like I can get it at the library.  It’s just one little book,” I tell myself.  I cautiously type in the website address I know oh too well.  It comes right up.  Even though I’m not signed in it already has recommendations for me—apparently they have my cookies or whatever and know the type of things I tend to order.  Last time I was on, apparently I was searching for supplements because every form and brand of L-Glutamine seems to be displayed for my viewing/easy purchasing pleasure.  I manage to skip hitting the New Releases and Best Sellers’ buttons—often my downfall—and go immediately to my friend’s book page.  Only $11.95.  What harm can come from spending that on a book?  And it even qualifies for Super Saver Shipper!  I love that!  No charge for shipping.  Oh wait.  With a minimum purchase of $20.  Hmmmm.  Okay.  Maybe just one more book—you know, to save on shipping.  I need to read Jack Kerouac’s On the Road for research.  I find it, add it to my cart.  And that’s all it takes.  It’s on.  I see a biography on Jack that I definitely need to read as well.  Oh, and there’s a book of his private journals.  Next thing I know I have six books in my cart.  As I hit the “check out” button, I see the price tag, $82.74.  I can’t believe how quickly and easily I fell off the wagon!  But I catch myself.  I don’t check out.  I stop and remember I’m cut off from Amazon!  And then I remember my unused library card.  It’s time to use it.  I can certainly get all the Jack Kerouac research books at the library.  I just have to figure out when it’s actually open and go then.  As far as my friend’s book, next time I see her, I’ll have to buy one from her in person for cash.

This wasn’t the first temptation and I’m sure it won’t be the last I have this year.  On Day 42 when I almost missed doing my daily report and I totally freaked out, in that moment, I realized how important it was to me to do what I set out to do this year and keep my word, if only to myself.  This experience didn’t feel quite as dramatic but it’s similar.  It’s not a big deal to order my friend’s book from Amazon but it is a big deal to go back on something that I said I was going to do:  STOP ordering books from Amazon.  Thank god I haven’t banned myself from the gluten free, sugar free brownies!

Until tomorrow, create from what you have…temptations.

Kelli Joan Bennett is a filmmaker, actress, writer, entrepreneur, advocate for creative thinking and Founder and Editor-in-Chief of Think Outside The Box Inside The Box Media.

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