In the Trenches—Day 365 Year 2: ONE MORE DAY
Posted by Kelli Joan Bennett
Day 365 Year 2: I love starting a new year! It’s exciting and full of endless possibilities. It hasn’t been marred by anything yet. There’s been no failures, no disappointments, no bad news. There’s been no successes, no good news, no triumphs. Nothing to live down or up to. The year is a blank canvas. A clean slate. A fresh start. Everything is imaginable. But, there’s still one more day of 2013 left! What to do with it?
It has been an intense year—full of both positive and negative experiences, people and news. There was the highest of highs and the lowest of lows. I shot my first scripted movie! A dream come true. I found out my Dad has a terminal illness. A sucker punch. There was movement forward but nothing is actually finished. I have a 2 hour and 15 minute cut of my documentary! It’s still not done. We screened a rough assembly of my narrative film! My director is MIA with the next cut. I wrote a first words-on-paper draft of my next film project! I’m struggling to start the rewrite. Completion continues to elude me.
I’m tempted to get existential about the concept of completion. Is anything ever truly done? Aren’t we always works in progress? Even after we die, we’re not completed. Our bodies decompose and transform into something else. But in truth, all I’m searching for is something to make myself feel better. Give myself excuses for where I am and everything in my life is. Rationalize, justify, explain, and understand, “why?” Why isn’t that done? Why did that happen? Why did I do that? Why him? Why, why, why? Instead of going down the “why” rabbit hole, perhaps I should try something new? Go a different direction? What if, before I pull out my swatches and begin dreaming of a color palette for the coming year, I simply let the last one go?
Letting go of the past, looking for the future.
Letting go. Easier typed than said. Easier said than done. Easier to think you’ve done it than to truly do it.
I just started reading a book entitled, “Letting Go…the Pathway of Surrender” by David R. Hawkins, M.D., Ph.D. His description of Letting Go:
“Letting go is like the sudden cessation of an inner pressure or the dropping of a weight. It is accompanied by a sudden feeling of relief and lightness, with an increased happiness and freedom. It is an actual mechanism of the mind, and everyone has experienced it on occasion.”
Ahhhhhhh, I love that definition because I’ve experienced that relief and lightness, happiness and freedom! However brief. He goes on to talk about how we must constantly practice letting go. We have to let go all of the time, in every situation, every moment. It’s a muscle we have to build. Let’s just say, my ‘letting go’ muscle is flabby and covered in cellulite from lack of working out! Letting go does not come naturally to me. My knuckles are perpetually white from holding on so tight. I need to work on that.
So, today, the 365th and final day of 2013 seems to be the perfect time for me to commit to begin practicing the process of letting go. Here goes.
Au revoir, 2013!
Until tomorrow, create from what you have…a year to let go of.
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