Creating 2015—Day 37: Attitude Adjustment
Posted by Kelli Joan Bennett
When it rains it pours. Murphy’s Law. If something can happen it will happen. Mercury is in retrograde. And my favorite: excuses are like assholes, everybody’s got one. And I have a lot of those today! Not assholes, excuses. (Well, maybe a few assholes too.) But the truth is, none of them are actually valid! The only issue I have this morning is a bad attitude. And when I have a bad attitude I want an excuse for everything. I exist in a field of clichés and nonsense.
Why, you might ask, are you a total bitch this morning? Well, for starters, there is an insane amount to get done before February 11th. I don’t actually know how I will physically get it all done. I’ve got letters to write, applications to fill out, credits to create, press kits to build, cost reports to update, phone calls to make, and a movie to finish. My amazing Screenwriter Monica has generously offered to start writing the longer synopsis of Collusions I will need for the festival application, so that is a huge help. But still, I’m super stressed out and riddled with anxiety. I’m freaked out for many reasons, one being that my director won’t be able to make it in time to oversee the final color watch down this morning…because he is in the same insanely busy boat I am. That would be bad. I’m holding my breath that everything comes off without a hitch and I can get this film finished and out the door in time to be in consideration for the film festival of my dreams to premiere it at.
Missing you, Daddy!
In my defense, I woke up this morning gasping in tears from a vividly real dream of the moment of my Dad’s death. It was a shock. I’d been doing so well since his birthday on January 6th. It went downhill from there. I then started my period and feel like major shit—cramps, headache, nausea, the whole bloody nine. Lovely. All I want to do is crawl back in bed to cry and sleep for a couple days. But I can’t. I have to deliver the credits for my movie to our online editor in a couple hours.
So, it’s easier to have a bad attitude than do the work I need to do to change my energy and shift to a better place. I mean, who has the time?! I feel a particular way and I don’t have time to (or more likely, I don’t want to) do anything about it but wallow in it, splash around in it, double down on it, stewing in a simmering pot of sad grumpiness.
Yep, that’s right. I am a big, fat, bleeding baby who is missing her Daddy this morning. I apologize in advance for anyone who interacts with me today.
Until tomorrow, create from what you have…an attitude to adjust.
Okay, you can do this!! I even think it’s symbolic that your Dad visited you like that in your dream. He’s so proud of you and bolstering you to git er done!
I’m going to quote back to you a very apropos pep talk I recently received from a very wise and ahmazing woman we both know:
“Sending you light for a clear voice, vision and communication. Stay grounded. Stay centered. Stay slow. You can hold all of this expansion!!!”
Good advice and it worked for me so know it will work for you too. In fact, my dear friend, it will be practicing what you preached! 🙂
I love you!!!! Thank you for this!!! Perfect. 🙂