Creating 2015—Day 18 & 19:  Sonoma and a Slip Up

I wake up at 3:07am to pee.  As I crawl back into my plush, four-poster bed at the Fairmont Sonoma Mission Inn and start to close my eyes, I realize I never wrote a post yesterday!  I’m so upset about this realization that it takes me a good half hour to fall back asleep.  I consider getting up and writing something right then and there but it’s already after midnight.  It’s too late.  I missed a day.

Why so upset about missing a day of writing my post?  Well, because I set my intention to write one every day just like I did during my Experiment in Prolific Creativity of 2012!  And to blow that off is bullshit.  The whole point of this daily ritual is to build up my creative chops, to exercise my creative muscle memory, to get back into the habit of writing and creating something every day.  The big picture goal is to get back on the wagon of prolific creating in order to create a year of new beginnings filled with magic, transformations, and dream creating.  In layman’s terms: I am setting out to make my next movie!  And I need all of the motivation and help I can get.  Even if I write only one line or post a picture or video, I don’t want to space ever again.  Spacing on this daily ritual is akin to spacing on my dreams.

1st Wine Tasting – Sabotaging a dream?

Why did I space?  The obvious reason: Sonoma.  Uh-mazing Romantic Partner and I left the San Francisco area yesterday afternoon and drove up to Sonoma to experience the wine country up here.  Writing this post when I am traveling can be a challenge sometimes.  Being out of my routine, trying to find a wi-fi connection, and simply being distracted by new surroundings in vacation mode.  But, I wrote posts in 2012 in a car on the road using Hot Spot wi-fi, when I was traveling out of the country in Ireland and England, and when I had just had oral surgery!  Thus, if I don’t let myself off the hook, being on vacation is no excuse.  So, this little slip up this early in the year concerns me.  I worry I am not as committed to creating my dreams in 2015 as I was in 2012.  I don’t want to play at making my next movie, I want to make it for real.  If I’m not as committed, why?  Am I scared?  Afraid I’ll fail?  Afraid I’ll succeed?  Afraid of how much work it will take?  I don’t know.  But, I need to find out.

Self-sabotage is a sneaky, insidious enemy.  Mainly because I rarely realize I am even doing it!  I have some self-sabotage doozies in my past.  From screwing up an opportunity to get my first screenplay produced 15 years ago to packing a gift box of Ghirardelli chocolate in my bag to bring on this trip.  Self-sabotage comes in every size, shape and form.  I have to be on the look out for it at every turn.  And consciously make a choice NOT to sabotage my goals, my dreams and myself.

Until tomorrow, create from what you have…self-sabotage.

Kelli Joan Bennett is a filmmaker, actress, writer, entrepreneur, advocate for creative thinking and Founder and Editor-in-Chief of Think Outside The Box Inside The Box Media.

Follow @FromWhatYouHave