Posts made in February, 2012
Day 51: Doves, fear and action.
Day 51: I am awake. Freakishly awake. I notice the flash of a white tail of a dove fly through the back yard as I stand at my kitchen counter drinking orange juice, the sun just rising. We have two doves that occasionally hang out and play on our patio right off our breakfast nook. I saw them one day a few months ago and was fairly amazed, “are those doves?” It seemed an unlikely place to see a pair. I Googled images to confirm they were indeed doves. I’m not sure where they came from. Maybe they escaped a near-by wedding, although these are grey doves with white tails, Turtle doves? Not sure, I’m no bird expert. I don’t care from where or...
Read MoreDay 50: The disease to please and a second-guess
Day 50. I feel a familiar knot in my stomach—uh oh, that’s anxiety. What are you doing back so soon? Not cool. Having just finished watching The Bodyguard, I’m not sure where it’s coming from or what it’s about. Yes, the film makes me a bit nostalgic—1992 was my heyday—and I’m certainly sad Whitney passed away but I’m not anxious about either. Hmmmm, I slow down and ponder my predicament. It dawns on me that I had a flash of the email I sent earlier to Screenwriter Monica while getting weepy listening to I Will Always Love you. She was responding to my email to her from the day before telling her I wasn’t ready to give her notes yet. She wrote, “no...
Read MoreDay 49: Got sleep?
Day 49. I passed out a little before 8pm last night. I crawled out of bed this morning after sleeping not 8, not 9, not 10, not 11, but almost 12 hours! That’s a lot even for me unless I’ve got the flu. I don’t have the flu. As my mother is fond of saying, “You must have needed it then.” Apparently, I did need it because I feel like a new, saner woman this morning. I am grounded, focused and excited about my projects and the work it will take to pull them off. At the end of day yesterday, shortly before face planting at a ludicrously early hour, I was not so grounded, focused or excited. I was a mindless lump of useless goo freaked out about how much I needed...
Read MoreDay 48: No time for Notes
Day 48. Tomorrow will be two weeks since I met with Screenwriter Monica and she delivered the first draft. I have been so slammed just keeping up with my work for the documentary that I have not cracked open her script again since I read it the first time. I was hoping to give her notes this weekend. Obviously, that’s isn’t happening since I haven’t got any notes to give her yet. The new plan is to carve out some time away from scenes 12, 13 and 15 over the next 48 hours so I can begin to wrap my head around the direction I want to take the script in. Hopefully, I’m also going to meet with a producer/director friend of mine on Sunday to hear her thoughts on...
Read MoreDay 47: My choice, pace and finish line.
Day 47. After putting in a solid 12-hour day editing I not only finished scene 10 (or so I think…we’ll see what happens when I wake up in the morning) but I also I finished scene 16! I shut down the Avid and think, “I deserve a medal.” There’s a tone to this thought, an edge. It’s a cross between put out and pissed…like someone owes me. I quickly catch myself. Uh oh. Yuck. That’s exactly the attitude and outlook I don’t want to have…ever. Besides the fact that that’s just bullshit because this work is my choice, who am I kidding? I am nowhere near the finish line. So no, actually, I don’t deserve a medal. I...
Read MoreDay 46: Groundhog Day
Day 46. Somehow I spent the day working on—wait for it—scene 10! WTF? I’m in my own private Groundhog Day (the movie) hell. I wasn’t planning on including an interview string out in the scene 10 bin for Dan the Amazing Editor Man until I came across the perfect narration for it this morning. I realized that who I had originally thought would drive the story beats in scene 10 will really be driving the story beats for scene 15. And someone else entirely is right for scene 10. Footage had to be moved, scripts had to be tweaked and selects made from an untouched section of an interview. Honestly, I was a little mad hatter by late afternoon. It wasn’t full tilt...
Read MoreDay 45: Love in Action
Day 45. “This is the end,” my dear friend says, his voice threatening to crack. “She can’t get home?” I ask. “No. We’re talking oxygen, I.V., hospice. She’ll die in LA.” This news sucks the air out of my lungs and my chest constricts even though the woman who will die in LA is not my personal friend. She is Dear Friend’s friend. I have never met her, only heard stories about her in passing. She has stage four brain cancer. She’s been battling it for several years. She’s only 58. It seems as though this woman is fighting cancer and winning. She has nine lives. Barring a miracle, she’s on her last. In town for the technical Oscars, her health takes a...
Read MoreDay 44: Feels impossible.
Day 44. I wake with a start. Did I forget to put the trashcans out on the curb? I stumble out of bed and go check. I must have done it last night because they’re there but it doesn’t matter because the garbage truck hasn’t come yet anyway. Whew. But the panicked energy doesn’t budge from my body. I’m so anxious to get started on my Avid work I quickly eat leftovers for breakfast, do the dishes, and psych myself up for maximum productivity. I only check emails on my iPhone. I don’t dare fire up my laptop for fear I’ll get pulled into full frontal Facebook. Talk about a time suck. A friend emails he’s having a crisis. I write him back in my best...
Read MoreDay 43: A Beautiful Day
Day 43. I have completely let anything related to fitness go by the way side since the beginning of the year. I must remedy that. I’ve been inspired by joie de vivre friend and her beautiful new bride. They are going to Pilates together this morning. Besides being adorable newlyweds, they are healthy. They are happy. They are glowing. I’ll have what they’re having. So, I announce to them in an email they have motivated me to do yoga and go for a walk before I come over to their house to finalize the postcard for the motivation experiment. Despite my best intentions, I don’t do one downward dog or even remotely elevate my heart rate. I am sidetracked by...
Read MoreDay 42: A Day Away
Day 42. I took the day away from everything. The editing. The new venture. My house. Although I originally overbooked myself with four stops for the day, I did manage to make two of them. Including a wonderful visit with my aunt and uncle in orange county and a much needed connection with my friend in the Palisades who I “heard” have an accident yesterday. I had to reschedule a finalization meeting of the motivation experiment with joie de vivre friend and I missed another friend’s party tonight. Again with the over scheduling. Someday I’ll figure it out. Driving home I realize I have completely forgotten about my daily report. This is...
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